My Buried Life

Do you ever feel like your life is a dream? I'm not asking if you're living your dream. What I mean is does it sometimes seem as though you're only dreaming when you know you're awake? Do you feel... I don't know how to phrase it... But sometimes, a lot of the time, I feel that way. I feel like my dreams are sometimes more real than my real life. I feel like the life I have is not who I really am. What I do and say is governed by everything around me. I don't feel free to be myself. There are things I have a great desire to express, but I don't say them because I'm not at liberty to, or because I don't want to hurt someone, or because I'm afraid of what people think. Every decision I make seems to be out of my control, because I base them on the opinions and counsel of others. I feel like I don't belong here. I feel like my life is only a dream. Like there's a hidden reality somewhere, but I haven't been able to find it yet. Like I'm in a strange dream and I can't wake up. And now I'm starting to sound like a freak. I don't feel like I'm making any sense...... This poem came to mind:

Light flows our war of mocking words, and yet,Behold, with tears mine eyes are wet!I feel a nameless sadness o'er me roll.Yes, yes, we know that we can jest,We know, we know that we can smile!But there's a something in this breast,To which thy light words bring no rest,And thy gay smiles no anodyne.Give me thy hand, and hush awhile,And turn those limpid eyes on mine,And let me read there, love! thy inmost soul.
Alas! is even love too weak. To unlock the heart, and let it speak?Are even lovers powerless to reveal. To one another what indeed they feel?I knew the mass of men conceal'd. Their thoughts, for fear that if reveal'd. They would by other men be met. With blank indifference, or with blame reproved;I knew they lived and moved. Trick'd in disguises, alien to the rest Of men, and alien to themselves--and yet The same heart beats in every human breast!
But we, my love!--doth a like spell benumb Our hearts, our voices?--must we too be dumb?
Ah! well for us, if even we,Even for a moment, can get free Our heart, and have our lips unchained;For that which seals them hath been deep-ordained!
Fate, which foresaw How frivolous a baby man would be--By what distractions he would be possessed,How he would pour himself in every strife,And well-nigh change his own identity--That it might keep from his capricious play His genuine self, and force him to obey Even in his own despite his being's law,Bade through the deep recesses of our breast The unregarded river of our life Pursue with indiscernible flow its way;And that we should not see the buried stream, and seem to be Eddying at large in blind uncertainty,Though driving on with it eternally.
But often, in the world's most crowded streets,But often, in the din of strife,There rises an unspeakable desire After the knowledge of our buried life;A thirst to spend our fire and restless force In tracking out our true, original course;A longing to inquire Into the mystery of this heart which beats So wild, so deep in us--to know Whence our lives come and where they go.And many a man in his own breast then delves,But deep enough, alas! none ever mines.And we have been on many thousand lines,And we have shown, on each, spirit and power;But hardly have we, for one little hour,Been on our own line, have we been ourselves--Hardly had skill to utter one of all The nameless feelings that course through our breast,But they course on for ever unexpressed.And long we try in vain to speak and act Our hidden self, and what we say and Do is eloquent, is well--but 'tis not true!And then we will no more be racked with inward striving, and demand Of all the thousand nothings of the hour Their stupefying power;Ah yes, and they benumb us at our call!Yet still, from time to time, vague and forlorn,From the soul's subterranean depth upborne As from an infinitely distant land,Come airs, and floating echoes, and convey A melancholy into all our day.
Only--but this is rare--When a beloved hand is laid in ours,When, jaded with the rush and glare Of the interminable hours,Our eyes can in another's eyes read clear,When our world-deafened ear Is by the tones of a loved voice caressed--A bolt is shot back somewhere in our breast,And a lost pulse of feeling stirs again.The eye sinks inward, and the heart lies plain,And what we mean, we say, and what we would, we know.A man becomes aware of his life's flow,And hears its winding murmur; and he sees The meadows where it glides, the sun, the breeze.
And there arrives a lull in the hot race Wherein he doth for ever chase That flying and elusive shadow, rest.An air of coolness plays upon his face,And an unwonted calm pervades his breast.And then he thinks he knows The hills where his life rose,And the sea where it goes.
~ Matthew Arnold ~

Hmmm...

Now isn't this something to think about!
If Barack Obama would apply for a job with the FBI or with the Secret Service, he would be disqualified because of his past association with William Ayers, a known terrorist & many other questionables.
If he is elected President he would not qualify to be his own body guard!
(And the majority of the people don't seem to care)

Romanticizing Obama

I think I have finally come to understand the reason Barack Obama appeals to many of his devoted followers despite his lack of accomplishment. The world of romance, not politics, must be our guide.

Reading the most recent polls, I've been rather bewildered by the enthusiasm American voters have for a Barack Obama presidency. There's so much about him that seems antithetical to holding the preeminent job in America.

It's true that the media has built a pretty tight firewall around him, insulating Americans from the less savory information in his past. Few outside of political junkies know about the depths and breadth of his Rezko association; the $100 million dollars he and Bill Ayers frivoled away propping up radical Chicago groups, rather than Chicago schools; his surprisingly close relationship with that same Bill Ayers, the one who was behind the Pentagon bombing; his mentorship from Communist and pedophile, Frank Marshall Davis; his numerous and overlapping links to organizations committed to America's demise; or the fact that his term in the Illinois Senate saw a profound degradation in the standard of living that his constituents enjoyed.

Still, even with that media padding, and rapturous leg quivering, the media has had to concede a few things about Obama. Voters know that he spent 20 years attending weekly sermons from a man who loathes America; they know that he spent a significant chunk of his career as a community organizer, a "profession" most Americans would find impossible either to define or to justify; they know that he was a law professor who never managed to publish anything; they know that he didn't sponsor any significant legislation during his tenure in the Illinois Senate; they know that he didn't sponsor any significant legislation during his tenure in the United States Senate; and they know that he's spent virtually all of his undistinguished time in the United States Senate campaigning to become president. In other words, no matter how the media tries to protect Obama from his own past, the facts that have leaked out reveal a man of little experience and no accomplishments.

In my world, accomplishments matter. If I'm giving someone the highest executive office in the land, I'd kind of like that person to have a positive track record. That's why I liked Romney. Everything he touched turned to gold, not just gold lining his own pockets, but gold for everyone else connected to the project. That's also why I like McCain. He may not be a Romney-esque money machine, but he has a record of accomplishment. Whether or not one likes what he ended up doing, he at least got things done. Not so Obama. Even the least informed Americans must know that he's done nothing in his career but talk.

Faced with what appears to me to be a conundrum -- why the majority of voting Americans would prefer for president a man whose resume is a big fat zero - I asked a friend for his opinion. He said (and I think he's right), that most people don't care about Obama's past record of accomplishments. Instead, he says, they simply like what they hear. He's promising them a lot of things -- such as a crystalline, pre-industrial environment, without any economic downsides; peace and harmony with the baddest of bad guys; universal health care; and wealth for all -- and they believe those promises, despite the fact that Obama's ineffective resume shouldn't give them reason to believe that he can follow through on any of his promises.

And just like that, I suddenly got it. I got why Americans are flocking to Obama: They are precisely like the woman who wants to marry a romantic bad boy.

Sure, he's been running around on her, and he can get pretty verbally abusive. Still he always tells her he loves her and he promises her that things will get better. With those promises echoing in her head, she's absolutely certain that, if she can just get him to the altar, he'll improve. The act of marriage will magically transform him from an abusive boyfriend who makes pretty speeches into the man of her dreams -- one who is precisely as good as he promises to be. The fact that her friends keep pointing out his myriad failings and that they remind her that the leopard can't change his spots is irrelevant. He says he loves her and if, she can just force that marriage, he'll suddenly realize that he has to change.I bet all of you, man and woman, have seen this scenario play out in the life of at least one woman you know. (And yes, that's sexist, but I don't know any men who go through this bizarre "she treats me horribly now, but she'll magically improve later" game.) And I ask you, those of you who have seen this or lived this: Does the man ever change, either because of the ceremony or because the woman wants him to?

I've never seen it happen. I have seen some men change, but that's come from within, and usually goes along with hitting rock bottom and then finding God. The wedding ring had nothing to do with it.

Right now, voters are thrilling to the feeling of dating the political bad boy, the cool guy who talks a good line, but who has a trail of personal and professional failures in his wake (and some pretty unsavory friends too). Everybody wants to date the bad boy once and a while. But the thing is, you don't marry the bad boy. Just as marriage to the bad boy won't magically make him better, a presidential inauguration won't transform the anti-American, unaccomplished Barack Obama into an effective statesman imbued with a true love for his country.

So, if you voters think there is more to this Barack Obama than just pretty words, I suggest that you do with him exactly what I'd suggest if you were a young woman infatuated with the bad boy: Wait a while (four years? eight years? twelve years?) and see whether, with time, he either grows up and grows out of it, or if he follows that downward trajectory, validating your decision to reject him in the first place.

This is me not doing homework!

My mind wandered a bit while I was doing homework, hence the things I thought were
questionable...

When people say, "I'm so tired it's not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it even be funny in the first place?
Do stairs go up or down?
Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
Why do the numbers on phones go down while the numbers on calculators go up?
Why is there a top line on lined paper if we never use it?
When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?
Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?
If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
If you were under house arrest and you lived in a mobile home, wouldn't you be able to go anywhere you want?
Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do?
Why is it that when we are humming and then we plug our nose, our humming stops? Do people really hum through their nose, or their mouths? (AND…I know you all just did that)
If the weather man says "it's a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?

So I got this on myspace....

My friend sent me this on myspace, so I thought I would poste it hear for your enjoyment.

The rules are:~Post the rules on your blog~Write 6 random things about yourself~Tag 6 people at the end of your post~If you are tagged, just do it, and pass the tag along!

1. I have a hard time trusting people

2. I have sung in some sort of choir since I was in 1st grade. And sing constantly...

3. I am obsessed with politics!

4. I helped my dad raise my 3 younger siblings from the time I was 10 because my mother walked out and abandoned our family.

5. I work with children diagnosed with autism as an autism interventionist.

6. My main goal in life is to be a wife, mother and teacher.


Ok, so here’s who I tag!

Brooke
Jen
Jessica H
Pete E
Jenna
anyone else willing....

vote our convictions!
What does Obama prefer to read?

He is reading "The Post-America World". It is Muslim's view on the
fall and collapse of the United States as a Super Power.
WAKE UP AMERICA !!!

Why I am Republican

Why I’m a Republican....
Let me begin by saying that I watch politics like most men watch sports. I yell, throw things, cuss, stomp my feet, and get downright pissed off. Some of my friends have already practically banned talk of politics while I am at their house, because I get so fired up. Politics is one of my passions, and while I know most of you will disagree, I feel as though it's borderline unpatriotic NOT to take an active interest.Rather than list all of the reasons I despise Barack Obama and all of the reasons he and his party scare the hell out of me, I will spare you another one of my anti-liberal rants, and explain a few reasons exactly WHY I am a Republican.

We as Americans are being taxed to death in this country, and personally, I would kind of like to keep more of the money I earn. At the risk of sounding like a heartless bitch, I do not want my money going to welfare programs of any kind. Yes, I am fully aware that there are people less fortunate than me, but I am a firm believer that there is always room to succeed in this country. Ihave just started a new job after not working for 3 months, but do you see me asking for any sort of handout? No. I am milking my savings, and have made DRASTIC lifestyle changes. I no longer shop every weekend, or go out all of the time. This is not something I enjoy, but I am doing it. The part that disgusts me is that there are so many people out there who chose to go on welfare rather than suck it up and get a job at McDonald's. You do what you have to do to get by, and if you don't want to bother doing that, than I don't want to have any part in supporting your ass. Also pertaining to money, social security is a disaster. We are the ones who pay into it and we should have a say as to what we do with it or where that money goes.

I believe life begins at the moment of conception. Sorry if this offends anyone, but I do. I am adamantly opposed to abortion, and I do not want any of my tax dollars going to organizations like Planned Parenthood or any other organization that performs, advocates or condones abortion. I want to be assured that the candidate I chose to vote for in the Presidential election will only appoint Supreme Court justices that will push to overturn Roe v. Wade. Bare in mind, I do not judge anyone who has chosen to terminate a pregnancy, I just do not agree with it.

Global warming is not a big issue for me. That's not to say I don't think it might exist, I just agree that it is inevitable, and we do not need to go over the top trying to stop it. I do not think it should be a political issue, and the government does not need to be involved in it. The way I see it, the whole "go green" movement is a fad. Much like the pogo balls and slap bracelets we just had to have when we were kids, it will eventually pass, and something else will be the cool thing to do.

Capital punishment isn't inhumane. I believe if you intentionally and maliciously take a life, you deserve the chair, lethal injection, firing squad, hanging, or whatever method of capital punishment your state chooses. The only disagreement I have with the death penalty is that we do not use it enough. I think it should be extended beyond first degree murder to include serious crimes committed against children as well.

I also believe that the Second Amendment needs to be protected by our federal government. While I do agree with background checks being required to purchase firearms, I also am a firm believer in conceal and carry laws. Furthermore, as an unmarried female who generally lives alone, I would like to have protection should someone break into my home intending to do me harm. The last thing I want is stricter gun control laws that may prevent such a thing. Guns don't kill people. People kill people.

Gay marriage is another issue. I am not going to judge those who are gay or agree with it, I truly believe that marriage was intended to be between a man and a woman. In fact, I truly feel that the federal government needs to be less involved in the lives of its citizens. We need to be more independent and self-efficient rather than depending on the government to help us out or bail us out anytime we have the slightest problem.

Now for the shocker: I am not an old, white-haired, rich man with a trophy wife and more money than I know what to do with. Nor am I a bible thumping, gun-toting, homophobic, redneck racist, as stereotypes of Republicans would lead you to believe.It isn't fair to assume that's what makes a Republican, although I know many people buy into the whole stereotype. I like many of my fellow Republican friends and a female in my mid 20's, not rich, redneck, or racist, although I am a Bible believer. I chose the party I did because they are more in sync with my beliefs, both moral and ethical. It astounds me that so many people align themselves with the left based on their stereotypes of the right. I encourage anyone who reads this to please, ignore the stereotyping and preconceived notions of left and right, and chose the one that's right for you.

New Blog!

Hey everyone! Well I decided that I loathed my other blog site, so I have decided to join everyone at blogger.com. Hopefully what I write will interest someone!